Have patience, your time will come

This post is for all fellow creatives — whatever it is you are aspiring to do. 

Tonight was frustrating for me. I thought I was close to finishing a song that would serve as the teaser track to an upcoming album of mine. It turned out that I wasn't, and fresh ears listening to the mix the day after i'd last worked on it revealed a multitude of issues that needed fixing. 

I tried to fix them, and made the entire thing worse than it was before. With only a couple of hours each night in which to work on music, I get upset when I feel like i've wasted my time. 

I sit here, at 22 going on 23, watching teenagers announce their next albums like a conveyor belt. They go into the studio with someone whose full-time job it is to produce music, hype their new tracks up with live performances at places i've never even heard of, film music videos and release at least 10 singles while i'm still working on the same track. I look out for signs of forehead creases from MIDI editing in the mirror. 

Being emzae would be so much easier if I recorded in a professional studio and let someone else do everything. Being emzae would be so much easier if i'd have gone to college to study music and gained contacts. Being emzae would be so much easier in general if I just wasn't emzae.

But what would happen if I decided to take the path of others? Sure, I could churn records out like there's no tomorrow, but would they be exactly how I wanted? Would they have the same raw qualities as those I mumble into my mic at 11pm on a random Wednesday? And what about the sheer joy I feel working in Logic for hours on end. Sometimes, it's frustrating. But other times i'm grinning from ear to ear, wishing that I could do it forever. 

My path has been a slow one. I wasn't just a kid who grew up in a musical family and joined my parents at pub gigs, nor was I someone who even had what could be considered an education 'proper' enough to get onto music-related college courses. 

I wasn't someone who was ready-made to walk out on stage and perform with visible self-confidence. I wasn't someone who even knew the equipment necessary to make my own music.

I hate the fact that it's impossible for me to have the speed seemingly required to keep your music known to the general public in 2017. I hate the fact that i'm not ready right now to go travelling around the country playing my songs, and I especially hate the fact that I haven't got 52 albums ready for release. 

But i'm a big believer in everything happening for a reason, and the idea that the world will let you know when it is your time. If I was meant to be like the others, I would have been somewhere else by now rather than my recently redecorated bedroom, typing this far too late on a work night. 

I should have patience, and you should too. No frustrating night is a waste of time, as long as you tried your hardest to make it successful. 

We will make it to where we want to be, as long as we continue to put in the effort and believe in our art and potential to grow. It may not be our time yet, but that is because we are not yet ready. 

Don't rush yourself or your creations. You will know when it is time.